the new age

I doubt that anyone else has been following the Patton Oswalt twitter incident, so I'll give you the readers digest version. Last Thursday evening a Mr. Patton Oswalt was performing a free show in a small club outside of  LA when he noticed that an audience member was recording his material on a camera phone. After politely asking the lady to stop he was told that "He would want to see this stuff later", as if he wasn't recording his set already to look over later. While the lady did eventually stop recording Mr. Oswalt asked the lady to leave, which she did somewhat begrudgingly, and Patton Oswalt then turned his comedic talent on the lady.

Keep in mind that this is a highly condensed version of the supposed events, and I was not there so my validity is somewhat questionable, but I think it's important to consider what was actually happening.

Let's start with Patton Oswalt, the comedian. Oswalt is one of my favorite comics active today, his blend of acerbic wit and knowledgeable diction are a refreshing change from the typical "You ever notice that" comedians. He has been active on the comedy circuit for more than twenty years, with roles in popular sitcoms like Seinfeld and King of Queens, and has worked on developing his certain special blend for the entirety of his career. For gods sake the man was given the starring role in a Disney Pixar film (Ratatouille), so I think it's safe to say the guy has made a name for himself. But none of this would have been possible if every show he ever performed was captured on film, ready to be place on the internet for millions to view.

Comedy is hard work. I only tried it twice and both times were a nerve wracking experience. You spend hours going over what you want to say, obsessing over wording and timing, only to stand up in front of total strangers and lay it all out for people to critique and judge. If you're good people laugh and things go great; but if you mess up, flub a joke or touch a nerve, things go from bad to worse in an instant. (Take note that my previous experiences consist of a middle school talent show and an open mic night at a bar in Colorado Springs so I'm no expert) So I can only imagine the kind of pressure that professional comedians face when they are creating new material. These traveling bards live by the laughs they can raise from an audience, which can be pretty hard if every one in the crowd has seen your "new" material a week before on youtube.

So good for you Patton Oswalt, for putting those rude audience members in their place. While his reaction might be viewed as rude by some, those are probably the same people who leave their cell phones on when they go to the theater and keep their hats on when they enter a building (more on that specific topic later).


Also, I've decided to give stand up another chance. I'll be preforming at Comedy Work's new talent night sometime in the next two months, I'll keep you posted.

Until next time fearless readers
MW

Hello again!

Fearless readers, I want to apologize for my extreme delay in this weeks post. Certain unforeseeable events arose and I was forced to devote my time to other endeavors. You see I had meant to post a blog about how ridiculous the hype concerning the elections in Italy but as I sat down at my computer and began to type away I heard  a strange knocking on my door. Curious, I went to investigate the interruption and found that international music icon Rick Springfield was at my doorstep. After insisting on a few bars of "Jessie's Girl" I extended my hospitality to my famous house guest and offered him our handmade leather couch to sleep on and the remainder of the mac and cheese I had made the previous evening. As Ricky (he said I could call him Ricky) chowed down on the delicious kraft dinner I had to ask him "What in the hell are you doing in this one-horse,red-neck,white-trash town Ricky? Don't you have middle aged groupies to administer sweet sweet lovin' to?"
His reply was as concise as a divorce settlement between two homeless people
"Well Mr. Webster that is very true, but there are much larger matters at hand that have lead me to your humble abode. It seems as though an ancient ninja clan has established itself within the walls of Colorado State University and my duties as a rock and roller dictate that I do as much as possible to combat the doings of the dojo super death." 
"Holy Crap Ricky, if that is the case then we have to do something about it!

(epic montage sequence in which Rick Springfield learn how to use the power of rock to combat the forces of evil)

After months and months of dedicated training Ricky decided that we were finally ready to combat the ninja clan that had taken hold of CSU. In order to combat our oriental foe Ricky and I had to infiltrate the executive dojo, located deep within the ruins of what used to be Morgan Library; It turns out that the ninjas had decided to make their move when C.S.U. began their latest round of campus improvements in order to take advantage of the ensuing chaos. 

On the night of the Raid Ricky took me aside and gave me the pillage prep-talk
"alright kid, listen up. I know we've been working on this for months but you have to promise me that you'll be careful... I can't lose another one to these damn ninjas"
"Don't worry about me Ricky this ain't my first rodeo. I'm ready to kick some ninja ass!"
"Don't get cocky kid, these ninjas won't hesitate to snap your neck like a sugar cookie, believe me."
"In that case..." I say while donning my red war bandanna "...We better strike first and strike hard!"



Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion of "Ricky and the Kid: Adventure of the Super Death Dojo!"

Something Interesting

Help! I have been cursed!
Now I must speak in Haikus,
How will I survive?

What will happen now?
How will I play jeopardy?
or answer questions?

Alas, my writing
has been effected as well.
Structure now rules all!


is this all that bad?
Will I be cursed forever,
or is there some hope?

I must tread onward,
search for a possible cure
and regain my speech!

But in the meantime
Perhaps I will hit on some
English major girls

So until next time
my brave and fearless readers
I bid you farewell

MW

Drawing a blank

I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew when I started this blog and committed to a twice weekly update schedule; which I admit I have been neglecting. The problem is that I underestimated how hard it is to develop a topic from an idea into a paragraph, and how hard it is to come up with good ideas. The trouble with ideas is that you can only tell the good ones from the bad ones after about an hour and a half of writing.

But anyway, enough complaining more entertaining.

There is a show on Bravo or TLC or one of those "Housewives of such and such" called "Mob Wives". As you can imagine the program follows the wives of incarcerated mafia members as they go about their shallow and insubstantial lives. Camera crews monitor every minute of these broken families lives for the viewing pleasure of the American public... and I just can't get enough. To those of you unfamiliar with the show, not that there is much to explain, it is centered around 4 women  who are involved with various crime families to differing degrees. You share their troubles, like when Joseph Ferragamo tells his wife Carla that he will be spending another six months in the joint, as well as their triumphs,  such as any Ed Hardy store having a sale. What I think is the best aspect of the show is  the children of these troubled unions. Can you imagine what kind of hell they live every day of their lives? Not only are their paternal relatives cold heart-ed criminals but now their moms are showcasing their dysfunctional family life from coast to coast. Is there no escape for these little bambinos?

There are many different reason I watch the show, but what I think I love most about "Mob Wives" is that it exemplifies the American belief that no matter how many terrible decisions you have made in your life... you can still someday be the focus of a national reality T.V. series. Other examples of this Renaissance in reality includes shows like "Hardcore Pawn" and "Jersey Shore" and "Ax Men". Maybe someday they will create a reality T.V. show about the adolescent antics of ice cream store employees; I already have a title thought up... "The Inside Scoop".


Until next time fearless readers
MW

all the dude wanted was his rug back.

Caveat Lector: Spoilers, for real yo.

The other day while enjoying a few brews with some friends we began to talk about one of my favorite movies and what it actually meant. To those of you unfamiliar with "The Big Lebowski"  it's a quaint little film that begins simply enough with a case of mistaken identity. The film starts with the dude (one Jeffery Lebowski) returning from a trip to Ralph's and finding that two thugs have broken into this house and are waiting to ambush him. During the beat down and subsequent swirly the dude finds out that the thugs are looking for the other Jeffery Lebowski (the millionaire) in order to collect the sizable debt that his wife bunny has run up with local pornographer Jackie Treehorn.

Wow... this is like five minutes into the movie.

Anyway this is a perfect example of what the Coen brothers where reaching for when they penned this modern epic. A truly cosmic scale of  unpredictability and mystic realsim. Like Jeff Bridges says many times throughout the movie "all the dude wanted was his rug back" but the cosmos simply will not let him. In order to fulfill his quest to redeem his prized rug the dude has to fight off a trio of crazed nihilists, find an elusive trophy wife, and recover a missing briefcase containing a cool million dollars. All this just because he happens to have the share the name Jeffery Lebowski with a narcissistic miser with a preference for the finer things in life... and a butler named Grant.

The reason I find this movie so entertaining and enlightening is because it mimics real life in the most honest way possible. Everybody has those days where nothing goes right, the alarm doesn't go off, you spill coffee on your shirt, you get rear ended on the way to work by a guy who not only does not have insurance but is wanted in 3 other states for vehicular manslaughter, when the police arrive you realized that you left your wallet at home, as you arrive home to retrieve your wallet you find that you have locked your house keys inside because you had to take them off to get a copy made so you could give a spare key to a neighborhood friend just in case you lock yourself out of your house. While the dude's adventure lasts a few days longer and takes some very divergent paths, the journey is ultimately the same. However, it is the dude's cheerful and upbeat attitude that makes the film so enjoyable. Despite everything that happens to the dude from getting beaten up and drugged and beaten up again and crashing his car, he's able to put it all behind him and say "fuck it, let's go bowling"

So why don't we all listen to what the dude has to offer? Just forget about the bad things you are dealing with and go do something you truly enjoy for a little while. As for me, I'm going to partake in a little "what have you" and watch my favorite movie.

Until next time fearless readers

MW

a new past-time

Lately my life has become consumed with an electronic menace. I try to avoid it's intriguing articles and fantastic photos but I am just one man. I thought that the stumble upon button on my toolbar was addicting, but that was before I learned about reddit. Now my days are filled with up-votes and reading hilarious comments about how stupid the front page content is today. I don't know why I am so easily hooked on what the internet has to offer, I know that no matter how interesting the digital world is the real world is right outside my window waiting for me. But the fact that the real world does not have interesting fact in every nook and cranny might have something to do with the appeal of the internet. Where else can you read up on what the cast of "Cheers" is up to these days, and then immediately look up the average rainfall of Bolivia only to move onto youtube to watch trailers of all the movies staring Harrison Ford?

Anyway, if it seems like I was distracted while writing this entry... it's because I was. Reddit led me to a webcomic based on Super Smash Brothers. I never stood a chance.

until next time fearless readers
MW

Indecision

As a cashier at a local ice cream store I deal with a lot of different customers; cute old couples who order the same thing every week, emotionally distressed teenage babysitters eager for a few moments peace, and my personal favorite the elementary school student on summer vacation. While they may not be the best tippers, and they usually contribute more than their fair share to the filth that is the floor of walrus ice cream, they are by far the most entertaining customers who come through the door. The reason for this is due to the fact that they take ice cream seriously, they truly are ice cream connoisseurs. When they look upon the daily list of flavors they begin the decision process, eliminating the more mature flavors like Jack Chip and Butter Pecan in favor of the more child friendly chocolate flavors, and then they start to ask for samples. They take the little spoon from my hand and examine the frozen confection like a San Franciscan wino samples a fine Merlot, taking in the bouquet and the consistency as well as the subtle nuisances of vanilla and cocoa. But then the real show starts, the decision. Because they are children and as such lack gainful employment they usually have just enough money for a single scoop of ice cream, which means they have to choose one flavor from the universe of options available to them. The pressure is almost too much for them to bare, and the strain begins to show. To most people it's just ice cream and they know that whatever they decide will be tasty and delicious, but the children believe that their decision will effect the rest of their lives... so they have to pick the absolute best flavor. And then they pick, I give them there ice cream, and they scamper off away in sheer sugar fueled ecstasy  while my co-workers and I laugh at their childhood antics.

Until next time fearless readers

MW