Hello again!

Fearless readers, I want to apologize for my extreme delay in this weeks post. Certain unforeseeable events arose and I was forced to devote my time to other endeavors. You see I had meant to post a blog about how ridiculous the hype concerning the elections in Italy but as I sat down at my computer and began to type away I heard  a strange knocking on my door. Curious, I went to investigate the interruption and found that international music icon Rick Springfield was at my doorstep. After insisting on a few bars of "Jessie's Girl" I extended my hospitality to my famous house guest and offered him our handmade leather couch to sleep on and the remainder of the mac and cheese I had made the previous evening. As Ricky (he said I could call him Ricky) chowed down on the delicious kraft dinner I had to ask him "What in the hell are you doing in this one-horse,red-neck,white-trash town Ricky? Don't you have middle aged groupies to administer sweet sweet lovin' to?"
His reply was as concise as a divorce settlement between two homeless people
"Well Mr. Webster that is very true, but there are much larger matters at hand that have lead me to your humble abode. It seems as though an ancient ninja clan has established itself within the walls of Colorado State University and my duties as a rock and roller dictate that I do as much as possible to combat the doings of the dojo super death." 
"Holy Crap Ricky, if that is the case then we have to do something about it!

(epic montage sequence in which Rick Springfield learn how to use the power of rock to combat the forces of evil)

After months and months of dedicated training Ricky decided that we were finally ready to combat the ninja clan that had taken hold of CSU. In order to combat our oriental foe Ricky and I had to infiltrate the executive dojo, located deep within the ruins of what used to be Morgan Library; It turns out that the ninjas had decided to make their move when C.S.U. began their latest round of campus improvements in order to take advantage of the ensuing chaos. 

On the night of the Raid Ricky took me aside and gave me the pillage prep-talk
"alright kid, listen up. I know we've been working on this for months but you have to promise me that you'll be careful... I can't lose another one to these damn ninjas"
"Don't worry about me Ricky this ain't my first rodeo. I'm ready to kick some ninja ass!"
"Don't get cocky kid, these ninjas won't hesitate to snap your neck like a sugar cookie, believe me."
"In that case..." I say while donning my red war bandanna "...We better strike first and strike hard!"



Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion of "Ricky and the Kid: Adventure of the Super Death Dojo!"

Something Interesting

Help! I have been cursed!
Now I must speak in Haikus,
How will I survive?

What will happen now?
How will I play jeopardy?
or answer questions?

Alas, my writing
has been effected as well.
Structure now rules all!


is this all that bad?
Will I be cursed forever,
or is there some hope?

I must tread onward,
search for a possible cure
and regain my speech!

But in the meantime
Perhaps I will hit on some
English major girls

So until next time
my brave and fearless readers
I bid you farewell

MW

Drawing a blank

I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew when I started this blog and committed to a twice weekly update schedule; which I admit I have been neglecting. The problem is that I underestimated how hard it is to develop a topic from an idea into a paragraph, and how hard it is to come up with good ideas. The trouble with ideas is that you can only tell the good ones from the bad ones after about an hour and a half of writing.

But anyway, enough complaining more entertaining.

There is a show on Bravo or TLC or one of those "Housewives of such and such" called "Mob Wives". As you can imagine the program follows the wives of incarcerated mafia members as they go about their shallow and insubstantial lives. Camera crews monitor every minute of these broken families lives for the viewing pleasure of the American public... and I just can't get enough. To those of you unfamiliar with the show, not that there is much to explain, it is centered around 4 women  who are involved with various crime families to differing degrees. You share their troubles, like when Joseph Ferragamo tells his wife Carla that he will be spending another six months in the joint, as well as their triumphs,  such as any Ed Hardy store having a sale. What I think is the best aspect of the show is  the children of these troubled unions. Can you imagine what kind of hell they live every day of their lives? Not only are their paternal relatives cold heart-ed criminals but now their moms are showcasing their dysfunctional family life from coast to coast. Is there no escape for these little bambinos?

There are many different reason I watch the show, but what I think I love most about "Mob Wives" is that it exemplifies the American belief that no matter how many terrible decisions you have made in your life... you can still someday be the focus of a national reality T.V. series. Other examples of this Renaissance in reality includes shows like "Hardcore Pawn" and "Jersey Shore" and "Ax Men". Maybe someday they will create a reality T.V. show about the adolescent antics of ice cream store employees; I already have a title thought up... "The Inside Scoop".


Until next time fearless readers
MW

all the dude wanted was his rug back.

Caveat Lector: Spoilers, for real yo.

The other day while enjoying a few brews with some friends we began to talk about one of my favorite movies and what it actually meant. To those of you unfamiliar with "The Big Lebowski"  it's a quaint little film that begins simply enough with a case of mistaken identity. The film starts with the dude (one Jeffery Lebowski) returning from a trip to Ralph's and finding that two thugs have broken into this house and are waiting to ambush him. During the beat down and subsequent swirly the dude finds out that the thugs are looking for the other Jeffery Lebowski (the millionaire) in order to collect the sizable debt that his wife bunny has run up with local pornographer Jackie Treehorn.

Wow... this is like five minutes into the movie.

Anyway this is a perfect example of what the Coen brothers where reaching for when they penned this modern epic. A truly cosmic scale of  unpredictability and mystic realsim. Like Jeff Bridges says many times throughout the movie "all the dude wanted was his rug back" but the cosmos simply will not let him. In order to fulfill his quest to redeem his prized rug the dude has to fight off a trio of crazed nihilists, find an elusive trophy wife, and recover a missing briefcase containing a cool million dollars. All this just because he happens to have the share the name Jeffery Lebowski with a narcissistic miser with a preference for the finer things in life... and a butler named Grant.

The reason I find this movie so entertaining and enlightening is because it mimics real life in the most honest way possible. Everybody has those days where nothing goes right, the alarm doesn't go off, you spill coffee on your shirt, you get rear ended on the way to work by a guy who not only does not have insurance but is wanted in 3 other states for vehicular manslaughter, when the police arrive you realized that you left your wallet at home, as you arrive home to retrieve your wallet you find that you have locked your house keys inside because you had to take them off to get a copy made so you could give a spare key to a neighborhood friend just in case you lock yourself out of your house. While the dude's adventure lasts a few days longer and takes some very divergent paths, the journey is ultimately the same. However, it is the dude's cheerful and upbeat attitude that makes the film so enjoyable. Despite everything that happens to the dude from getting beaten up and drugged and beaten up again and crashing his car, he's able to put it all behind him and say "fuck it, let's go bowling"

So why don't we all listen to what the dude has to offer? Just forget about the bad things you are dealing with and go do something you truly enjoy for a little while. As for me, I'm going to partake in a little "what have you" and watch my favorite movie.

Until next time fearless readers

MW

a new past-time

Lately my life has become consumed with an electronic menace. I try to avoid it's intriguing articles and fantastic photos but I am just one man. I thought that the stumble upon button on my toolbar was addicting, but that was before I learned about reddit. Now my days are filled with up-votes and reading hilarious comments about how stupid the front page content is today. I don't know why I am so easily hooked on what the internet has to offer, I know that no matter how interesting the digital world is the real world is right outside my window waiting for me. But the fact that the real world does not have interesting fact in every nook and cranny might have something to do with the appeal of the internet. Where else can you read up on what the cast of "Cheers" is up to these days, and then immediately look up the average rainfall of Bolivia only to move onto youtube to watch trailers of all the movies staring Harrison Ford?

Anyway, if it seems like I was distracted while writing this entry... it's because I was. Reddit led me to a webcomic based on Super Smash Brothers. I never stood a chance.

until next time fearless readers
MW

Indecision

As a cashier at a local ice cream store I deal with a lot of different customers; cute old couples who order the same thing every week, emotionally distressed teenage babysitters eager for a few moments peace, and my personal favorite the elementary school student on summer vacation. While they may not be the best tippers, and they usually contribute more than their fair share to the filth that is the floor of walrus ice cream, they are by far the most entertaining customers who come through the door. The reason for this is due to the fact that they take ice cream seriously, they truly are ice cream connoisseurs. When they look upon the daily list of flavors they begin the decision process, eliminating the more mature flavors like Jack Chip and Butter Pecan in favor of the more child friendly chocolate flavors, and then they start to ask for samples. They take the little spoon from my hand and examine the frozen confection like a San Franciscan wino samples a fine Merlot, taking in the bouquet and the consistency as well as the subtle nuisances of vanilla and cocoa. But then the real show starts, the decision. Because they are children and as such lack gainful employment they usually have just enough money for a single scoop of ice cream, which means they have to choose one flavor from the universe of options available to them. The pressure is almost too much for them to bare, and the strain begins to show. To most people it's just ice cream and they know that whatever they decide will be tasty and delicious, but the children believe that their decision will effect the rest of their lives... so they have to pick the absolute best flavor. And then they pick, I give them there ice cream, and they scamper off away in sheer sugar fueled ecstasy  while my co-workers and I laugh at their childhood antics.

Until next time fearless readers

MW

The Spanish Inquisition

As a desperately poor college student I've filled out quite a few online job applications. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of online applications let me fill you in on the details. These applications exist in order for employers to better investigate potential employees in order to create a more efficient working environment; that or they exist  so that employers can delete you application with the click of a button instead of taking the time to physically read it before throwing it away, saving them time which they can use to call other employers and talk about how much joy they get from crushing the hopes of scores of starving students.

In addition to the relevant information you provide on an application (things like previous work experience and technical abilities) there is usually a lengthy question and answer section; and by lengthy I mean you will be at your computer for the next four hours. While some of these questions usually pertain to the position being applied for, most of them are completely irreverent and downright strange.

For Example
* When making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich do you spread the peanut butter first, or the jelly?
* Have you or any member of you family ever been to Kermit, Texas? Isn't it a charming little town?
* If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in an hour and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
* Left handed people are the spawn of satan, do you agree or are you one of them?
* You actually think you are going to get this job, don't you? You silly little fool.

Until next time fearless readers
MW

the little ones

Lately I've noticed an increase in the number of spiders around the apartment. At first it was a pleasant surprise,  after all more spiders means less bugs around the house, but then their numbers grew and their intentions became clear. They are no longer content with their compounds under the sink and behind the furniture, they want total control of the household.... and after the unpleasant surprise attack in the shower I am willing to listen to their demands. This could be a new era of Homo-Arachnid relations, one in which humans need not fear those eight legged devils sneaking up on them. But I can't imagine the treaty lasting longer than a few minutes; it's undoing on part of most peoples instinct to immediately kill any spider on sight.

until next time fearless readers

MW

one small step

So I have finally broken down and created a blog. After having deleted my facebook I find myself on the computer with nothing to do, and after stumbling upon essentially the same web page over and over again; I have decided to spend my digital time in a more constructive manner. That is to say I'm rambling... but on the internet this time. I wish I could say that I have even a vague outline of what I intend to write about, but that is not the case. I imagine that eventually I will be able to narrow my focus on some topic I find interesting enough to hold my attention for longer than a few days, but I am a child of the 90's so that might be a long shot.

Speaking of the 90's I've heard tell of a revival of the classic Nick Toons this summer. Timeless classics like "Doug" and "Rugrats" are to be shared with children of a younger generation. This is total bullshit. How is Doug Funny supposed to cope in the 21st century? Will elementary school children understand his use of a paper journal? Of course not. I seem to remember a film with a similar storyline that ended in disaster.It was about a team of scientists who, via the wonders of science, introduce dinosaurs onto a small island in the Pacific. SPOILER ALERT... the dinosaurs eat almost everybody on the island. While Doug, Skeeter, Patti, Roger and the rest of the gang probably wont turn on their creators as viciously as the dinos did, I can't imagine them embracing the digital era as willingly as Jim Jinkins would hope.

until next time fearless readers,

MW